


if you don't mind, i'll walk that line

by lunastique



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Cutesy, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friendship/Love, Idiots in Love, M/M, Pining, Post-TFTSA
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-20
Updated: 2016-03-20
Packaged: 2018-05-27 22:15:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6302377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunastique/pseuds/lunastique
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The fake-dating AU no one asked for. It's set in Paris and they are gross.</p><p>(Title taken from troye sivan's Talk Me Down)</p>
            </blockquote>





	if you don't mind, i'll walk that line

**Author's Note:**

> This started with a message in my inbox saying : "jimon fake dating au". Weeks later, I give to you 6k words of trashy boys. Enjoy?
> 
> A thousand thanks to my [beta](http://friendofthatoneotherfriend.tumblr.com/%E2%80%9D) and to my [sinshine](http://productsofeachother.tumblr.com/%E2%80%9D) (this would be absolutely unreadable without them). Any remaining erros are mine only! 
> 
> You can send me prompts [here](http://n-wesninski.tumblr.com/ask%E2%80%9D)

Simon loves Paris. It has everything he likes: comic book shops at every corner, cool science museums, instagram-worthy architecture, hot people, artsy cafés with slam poetry challenges every Thursday, and an Institute so awesome it puts the Notre-Dame Cathedral to shame. Of course, the city in itself isn't enough to make up for the lack of company, but it's a welcome start.

Having graduated from the Academy almost a year ago, he was allowed to go back to New York for a while, but soon enough he had to face his duties as a newly-marked Shadowhunter -- which, right now, involve travelling around the world to visit different Institutes and learn about everything from cultures to fighting techniques. After seeing the Beijing Institute for a few weeks, he managed to secure a four months long stay in Paris (Marisol ended up in Reykjavik, so he really is a lucky fucker).

It's weird, not having friends around, but he’s okay for the most part. The Academy made him get used to being apart from Clary and Isabelle – and well, Jace, because for some reason they're friends now. Then going back to New York for a few months made him get used to not having his new friends around -- Marisol, Julie, and even Jon.

Of course, the ache of missing George is as strong as ever, but he gets a little better at dealing with it everytime someone refers to him as Simon Lovelace.

Besides, being in Paris means only a six hours difference with home, and cellphone reception. He's constantly in contact with everyone – snapchatting Clary from every art gallery, harrassing Magnus for pictures of Max, sending pictures of awkward statues of Greek Gods to Jace with ridiculous captions. But the daily texts and Skypes really prove one thing – he doesn't have any friends here. There are a bunch of other kids his age staying at the Institute for the same reason as he is: Paris lost a lot of Shadowhunters in the Dark War and needs new permanent recruits -- but they're not exactly friendly.

There are three guys other than him, aged sixteen to twenty-two, but for some reason they're more bigoted than he ever thought possible and than anyone he met at the Academy. They're like three brand new, unpolished versions of pre-Marisol Jon Cartwright, but worse. Mostly it's just petty insults and trying to ostracize him, something Simon can very well live with because he just doesn't have time for jocks like them when there are things to learn, an amazing city to discover and friends to Skype. Him being the savior of the world (or something) doesn't seem to help any.

The girls however seem to really dig the whole hero thing. There are two of them, and they have spent the last three weeks ogling him from afar and playing with their hair an awful lot when he's around. It doesn't keep them from being badass and amazing Shadowhunters, but it does make having a normal conversation almost impossible when they'd rather touch his biceps than listen to anything he has to say. Now that he thinks about it, it's probably the main reason the guys are antagonizing him like that in the first place, because they thought they would come to Paris and find some hot foreign Shadowhunter, but it turns out the girls would rather look at "Downworlder dreg" Simon Lovelace.

Having broken up with Isabelle a couple months prior and having the whole Shadow World aware of it doesn't help. It could be ideal for Simon, having beautiful girls at his feet in a city far from home but it's really not. He misses having friends with him everyday, he misses easy camaraderie and sharing everything with someone. It's been Clary and then George, but he's always had someone to share everything with so far, someone to sleep next to and see the same things as he did, to suffer the same food and the same slimy walls, but now there's no one.

He tries not to let himself be too sad about it because he's beaten death and amnesia and grief and for god’s sake, the books already call him a hero, but the pedestal he has been put on has left him alone.

\---

One day, Simon and the guy named Pablo are sparring in one of the training rooms while the rest of the trainees are watching them, and Simon ends up masterfully disarming his opponent, holding his fighting stick at the guy's throat hence winning the duel. Satisfied with the day's training and knowing it's no use sticking around to get a 'well done' from any of them, he starts walking out of the room to go take a shower.

Except that as he's retreating, he hears one of them say something -- and the amount of venom in his words makes Simon stop. "I cant believe you let a fag like him win, bro." 

Simon's been called worse, so he wouldn't even give this one a second thought even though he has no idea where it came from. But something about the contemptuous tone behind the word makes him burn with anger. Simon may not be out to anyone but his closest friends and family, but he sure as hell isn't going to let anyone get away with homophobic slurs as a bi guy who can hold his own in a fist fight.

So he whips around, crossing his arms over his chest and looking at the three guys huddled together. 

"What did you just call me?"

"What, did I just hurt your poofter feelings," says the British one whose name has an hyphen in it but that Simon can't remember to save his life. At first he's just gobsmacked. Literally, he has no idea where the gay idea came from, because he did date Isabelle Lightwood and has dozens of girls swooning over him. He frowns in confusion, which is apparently the wrong thing to do because the guy is moving forward, looking personally offended by Simon’s lack of response. 

"Oh please,” he starts again, his british accent more pronounced. “You could have married her ass, instead you let her run away. Don’t act like we’re too stupid to put two and two together."

And okay, Simon knew they were assholes but that just won't do. What he's hearing is wrong on so many levels, he can't help but answer. "Isabelle is her own person, you fuckers." He may be allegedly good at killing demons and saving the world, but he doesn't have any idea how to appease the situation right now : all he wants to do is punch them in the face.

There's no way he can effectively shut them up without either talking about his actual sexuality or revealing things about his relationship with Isabelle they're nowhere near deserving to hear. Of course, Simon is Simon, which means he has a tendency to hyperventilate and talk before thinking in any given situation. When he doesn't know what to say, shutting up isn't even a possibility; instead, he would much rather say the most random, weird and embarrassing shit he can think of. Which is what happens.

"At least I'm not single. So maybe you should shut your mouth, since I just kicked your ass, and as you pointed out, dated Isabelle Lightwood as well as one of the hottest male Shadowhunters there is," he splutters. The whole room is silent while Simon's train of thought is pretty much entirely made of _what what why did I say that who what how_ , because now they're looking at him expectantly and there's no way this is going to end well.

There's almost a full minute of stunned silence before the third guy, the older one, speaks up. "So, who's your boyfriend then ? Because it seems to me like he hasn't bothered to visit you once since you arrived in the most romantic city of the world, right ?" Which, okay, good point. 

Even though Simon's pride is probably going to die before the end of this conversation, he's starting to think that maybe they're not really homophobic. They were probably just trying to get to him, thinking he was a straight boy who would feel offended by being called gay, trying to make him start a fight. Now they don't know what to do, but seem pretty interested in the idea of Simon Lovelace not being on the market -- which still doesn't help Simon in this particular situation. They're fucking assholes because they ask the right questions, to which Simon has no answer that makes sense. “Jace Herondale,” he blurts out.

This was not a wise thing to say. He knows that even before he has to witness the looks on his fellow trainees’ faces, ranging from confused to flabbergasted. He feels an intense session of freaking out creeping up on him, and blindly runs back to his room. Once he gets inside, he panickingly paces around for a good fifteen minutes, reaching the conclusion that he is going to look like a pathetic fool with a desperate crush on the Shadow World's most elligible bachelor. If -- no, when people realize that he just lied through his teeth, pretending to be in a relationship with Jace Herondale, he is going to lose all the credit he ever had. Honestly, who does that. But the worst is probably Jace himself, who's going to be a whole new kind of weirded out by Simon, probably refusing to even speak to him now except if it’s to humiliate him.

\---

It doesn't take long before shit hits the fan. It takes exactly thirteen days before Jace freaking Herondale is standing in front of the door of the Paris Institute in all his golden Shadowhunting glory. Simon seriously considers dramatically throwing himself out of the windows when he hears about the visit, but then realizes that Jace would probably save him just so he could publicly humiliate him.

Once again his smart mouth got away from Simon, and now he has to face the consequences. He can do it, right? He is a strong Shadowhunter, a leader, and some of his friends think he's funny sometimes. He can take being ridiculed by Jace Herondale in front of a bunch of assholes. So he walks towards the entrance with his chin held high, because what else can he do. He can already hear Jace laughing with Pablo. If he wasn't so freaked out about the embarrassing moment to come, he would be able to appreciate the warm feeling in his chest at the idea of seeing Jace again. But now he braces himself before walking into view of them. The whole team is already there of course, but the second they notice him everyone stops talking. He can feel the shift in the atmosphere, every single trainee watching him expectantly, curious to see how the reunion will unfold.

And okay, maybe Simon was theoretically ready to face humiliation but seeing them all like that, seeing the hopeful look in the girls' eyes and the snarl across the boys' mouths is just too much for him. He will regret it, Jace will probably make him pay for this, but it doesn't matter right now. Simon will trade whatever he can just to shut these assholes up for good. He's had to put up with insults and being looked down on for more than a month now, and even though he keeps saying he couldn't care less, he does care.

So the brunette takes two strides towards Jace, grabbing the blonde's hands and throwing him a grin. "Hey, babe. I've missed you ! I thought you were only getting here tomorrow. It's good to see you, come on, I want to show you around," he gets out in one breath, before pulling Jace outisde of the foyer and out of sight. He doesn't leave anyone the time to think about what is happening – thankfully, he can feel Jace following along.

They don't speak until they're safely in Simon's room – at least, Simon doesn't. The same can't be said for Jace who can't help the thousand of sarcastic remarks on the way, but at least he's smart enough to let Simon pull him wherever they're headed and doesn't try to get away from his grip. As soon as they're in, Simon lets go of Jace's wrist and forbids himself to regret the touch.

"You know if you wanted some alone time with me, you just had to ask. No need to make a scene and drag me all the way to your private chambers, Wiggles," Jace says, because for some reason it has become a thing between them to joke about wanting to jump one another. It doesn't keep him from starting to look around Simon's room and at his stuff, apprently not bothered by the turn of events.

"About that." Simon tries to think of how to explain the situation despite the panic invading him. He has to find the exact right words or Jace will laugh it off and run to Pablo to tell them what he really thinks of this Lovelace stalker – or he'll be mad at Simon for saying that in the first place, which seems infinitely worse for some reason.

Jace has his perfect eyebrow quirked when he turns around from the pile of DVDs to look at Simon, waiting for an answer. "Yes ? You do want to make out with me, I knew it !" he says with a grin.  
"Huh, no. I don't. I mean, not that you're not – you know – I mean, it's not that, but just, I don't mean anything by that other than I wouldn't want to – Like, I would believe me but I'm not asking here, I simply--"

"The point, Wiggles," Jace reminds him with a bored expression, looking at his fingernails like he couldn't care less about the tornado of nerves Simon is facing right now. Since there is apparently no way he can ever be subtle, he decides to just drop the bomb and deal with the consequences afterwards.

"The other Shadowhunters are assholes and they started being homophobic shits so I told them we were dating and now they probably all think you came to visit me or because I invited you so we could spend time together, and I'm sorry I didn't mean to kill your rep or anything I just wanted to shut them up, and it would really really really mean a lot to me if you could go along while you're here, and I would owe you forever, I swear if you do this I will literally die for you. Or something."

Silence. Very, very long silence, before the sound of Jace's laughter fills the bedroom. Simon's entire body suddenly feels too small for himself but he ignores the feeling and try to understand if the laugh is mocking or about-to-kill-his-credibility. He can't say, because as he's trying to decipher it he gets lost in listening to the sound, which really does not help. Even though it is a really nice laugh. It would just be easier to appreciate it if it wasn't at his expense right now.

Simon waits for him to finish laughing his ass off, tapping his feet nervously against the wooden floor, his palms sweating alarmingly – in the not sexy way. ''Are you done yet ?," he ends up saying with an irritated tone.

"Nowhere near, oh my, this is just too good. So your crush on me was so overwhelming that you just couldn't keep it to yourself, huh ?"

Simon can't help rolling his eyes dramatically. "Shut up. Are you going to rat me out or not ?" If the situation wasn't as dramatic, Simon would have probably praised himself for the pun. In this case, his eyes are stuck following Jace who's looking around Simon's – very messy – room, apparently not in any hurry to give an answer. The whole situation does seem to amuse him a great deal. After what seems like a million years, he finally deigns to speak again.

"Nah. I mean if you say those guys were being assholes in the first place, I don't mind, even though they seemed pretty nice when they welcomed me downstairs. It is true that I am the finest man the Shadow World has to offer, and we both know anyone would turn gay for me, so maybe it will shut them up." A pause. "But, know that my services don't come for free. I don't know yet quite how you'll repay me, but you will suffer, Wiggles. And I demand the right to laugh about it, mock you, retell it in my way for the next thirty five years."

Simon simply huffs, too relieved that Jace is actually going to play along to mention anything else. Tomorrow will be a new day, and he will worry then about what's coming to him. For now, he's going to fake-date Jace Herondale for a while.

\---

Soon enough they're summoned to dinner, which turns out to be an over-the-top affair in honour of their special guest. All eyes are on Jace, of course, because even if he hadn't saved the world he would still be himself and that is reason enough to captivate a dozen people just by breathing. From the moment they enter the common area he doesn't spare Simon a glance, throwing his blinding smile at everyone and prompty introducing himself to those who haven’t seen him yet. The table is set for twelve ; the Head of the Institute, her family, the trainees and Jace. But as they are about to sit and Elodie Verlac points at the chair on her right for him to take, Jace does something that Simon is pretty sure no one will ever believe if he tries to recount it.

"Excuse me," by that moment, Simon may have no idea what Jace is about to ask but he knows very well that the particular smile he’s using will get him a positive answer. "Would it be possible for me to sit next to Simon ?" Everyone stops, all heads turning towards the blonde, and Simon is pretty sure he can see some jaws dropping on the floor. The girl on his right sputters something incoherent before giving up her seat and telling him to take it. Trying to keep his face straight, he does, sending a smug smile Pablo's way. 

The meal that follows is surprisingly good, and relatively uneventful. The whole room is hanging on Jace's every word while he tells a story Simon knows for a fact to be largely exaggerated, but he lets him have it and uses the time to try and focus his thoughts. He's going to be Jace's fake boyrfriend for apaprently a whole week, and that's enough to worry about.

It feels like Simon isn't even conscious for the two hours that follow -- he knows they must discuss the usual topics ; politics, weapons, french life, careful war stories. He nods and hums when necessary, without really getting involved in the conversation. That is until he gets metaphorically slapped back to reality by Jace putting his arm around Simon's shoulder. It almost gets Simon jumping out and running to the other side of the room, but he can feel the grip of a hand on his shoulder, tighter than it must look, as if trying to ground him so they don’t make fools of themselves. Their closeness gets a few raised eyebrows, but it’s late and everyone is getting more casual, so no one says anything about it. 

After another half hour of exchanging hyperbolic stories, Jace asks to eclipse themselves, and everyone is suddenly tired as well. They head back with a few knowing smiles thrown their way. But the second they get back inside Simon’s room, the brunette ducks out of Jace’s arms and goes straight to the bathroom. He needs a shower. He needs some time, far from the sight and the touch of Jace to think about how they are going to keep doing this. And maybe also to internally punch himself in the face for liking so much something so fake. For forgetting, for a few seconds at a time, that the hand lingering on his waist or the smile headed his way are nothing but pretense.

When he gets back to his room, seemingly a bit more in control of himself, Jace is lying on the sofa facing the bed, reading a comic from the pile on the desk. Simon doesn’t know what to expect from the blonde, so his behaviour stays neutral, sitting on his bed checking his phone and sending out a few updates -- he is careful not to mention the masquerade with Jace to anyone just yet : he still has no idea what it is they are actually doing. 

But it doesn’t stay that way. After almost an hour of the both of them doing their own thing, Simon can’t help but awkwardly squirm when he realizes the silence that has been hanging between them. He understands that Jace probably accepted to play along because everything else promised to be too boring, and because it gave him something to taunt Simon with later. But now they are both going to have to share a room, since apparently Jace’s things were brought up here. They are going to have to live together inside the room and pretend to be dating outside its doors. If they are going to make it, Simon decides he needs to get over himself and try to at least talk to Jace like a normal human being.

“So, why are you even in Paris anyway ?,” he tries. Jace looks up from the comic he’s holding, seemingly remembering only now that Simon is here too.

“Shaw demons stole something that belonged to us,” he says dismissively. That makes Simon frown.

“And with all the Shadowhunters in the country, they had to Portal in someone from New York to get it back ?” It doesn’t make sense that they wouldn’t ask someone from the Paris Institute -- and even if someone from New York was necessary, surely they wouldn’t send Jace Herondale on a mission as simple as Shaw demons.

“Nah -- I’m just here because I wanted to see my boyfriend on the way,” he says with a smirk, which effectively makes Simon blush faintly. The tone is teasing but not mean, so he just shrugs and tries to somehow smile back.

To Simon’s surprise, Jace is the one who starts talking again. “So, how’re you finding the city ? Geek enough for you ?”

Since he’s learnt a long time ago that the only way they can ever have a normal conversation is if there are at least a few insults in it, Simon doesn’t react and chooses to answer honestly instead. “Oh my God, yes. This city is freaking awesome. I mean the people are shit, but everything is so pretty and cool it totally makes up for it.” Jace seems to frown at that, but doesn’t inquire for more.

\---

It gets easier and easier. Somehow, they manage to spend time alone together without wanting to eviscerate one another. They even start talking ; at first, it’s mostly Jace praising himself for all sorts of heroic acts, but then he aslo starts asking questions -- about Simon’s friends, about his missions, about what he’s been doing in Beijing. It’s probably the first time they really talk since he got his memories back. Simon is aware that it’s mostly due to the two of them being stuck together and having nothing else to do but to speak to one another, but he ignores that. He’s pretty sure Jace could make it a living hell for him, or stay silent and cold for a week if he so desired. The point is, he doesn't.

He seems genuinely interested.

This goes on for a few days. Whenever they find themselves alone together, which is a lot since apparently everyone is buying the couple thing and wants to give them some alone time, Jace is surprisingly nice. They don’t mention the whole pretending-to-be-together thing when they're not pretending. It’s like there are two versions of themselves : the SimonandJace for all to see, and their own, simple, Simon and Jace.

Simon likes it. He doesn’t want to spend hours thinking about it, wondering, confused. It may sound impossible, but it’s all so easy. With no Clary or Isabelle, no world needing saving, no vampires and demonds coming from everywhere, no ego war to stand between them, it seems to dawn on them that they can hold a rather interesting conversation. They have the same sense of humour (usually at the other's expense) and Jace is actually really goot at listening. About comics, movies, French life, asshole trainees, and even one night, when they've had slightly too much red wine, about George. That discussion is more quiet, holds more silences than words, but it makes Simon feel so much better.

Simon finds himself wanting to listen too, about awkward encounters with Clary in the Institute now that they're no longer together, about the new alliance in New York, about Alec being a leader and Max’s adventures, about how beautiful Jace really is and how people should thank him for existing (Simon finds it harder and harder to disagree with that particular point, but he resists the temptation to nod along everytime). One day, this also means he listens about Valentine and Sebastian. As far as Simon knows, the blonde is not big on talking about his time without a soul – yet he does to him. Maybe it’s because Simon isn’t that important anyway, or maybe being so far from home helps. But on Jace’s fourth night, they sit accross from eachother and Jace just talks -- he doesn’t stop, almost doesn’t make any jokes. He tries to find the words to describe how it felt to be bonded to Sebastian, to be so loyal to him and never once suspect what he was feeling wasn’t genuine. Simon listens, and wants to reach out a few times but doesn’t because he sees the darkness in Jace’s eyes and he knows the blonde needs this, needs to let it all out without the reminder of the people he left behind. 

The next morning, Simon wakes up to find the sofa empty of a sleeping Jace. It only takes a few minutes before the blonde appears through the door, sweaty and apparently coming back from practice already. He smiles at Simon, but the smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes -- it seems wary, maybe even shy. But then Simon groans that it’s too early to be alive, and Jace throws a sweaty towel in his face, and everything is back to their new, adapted normal. They don’t mention the night before, but they don’t forget either, and Simon is pretty sure he can feel something shifting in their relationship. He’s also aware that he now knows more about Jace than anyone but his immediate family. 

Officially, Jace is in Paris for a mission involving Shaw demons stealing a French Pyxis (or something). Of course the Verlacs know that, but the trainees still believe in the whole crossing-the-ocean-to-see-my-lover thing. The girls are backing off him, which is nice, except now they're ogling Simon and Jace whenever one or both are in the room. Something about the two saviors of the world dating eachother being totally hot, according to Jace.

It's all getting so easy, so familiar, that Simon doesn’t want it to end. Yet it has to ; soon enough they're on their sixth day together and despite still not having seen half of the city's arrondissements, it's almost time for Jace to go back home, his mission having been completed the night prior. Simon doesn't allow himself to feel anything about that, since it's all pretend and it won’t lead anywhere to pine after moments that won’t happen. It’s made slightly harder by the fact that it doesn’t always feel like pretend and some of these moments happened already and they were amazing.

But no matter all the pining and overthinking, he sure as hell doesn't expect the words that come out of Jace's mouth the day before he's due to leave, when they're longing around in Simon's room. "You know you're probably going to have to dramatically kiss me goodbye in front of everyone, right ? We should practice in case your game's still as weak as Izzy says," he mentions amusedly as he's going through yet another Deadpool comic.

The world may have stopped at that moment, or maybe it's just some cosmical reaction that is leaving humanity unconscious because Simon has no idea where the words came from. After something like two whole minutes of him staring at a spot on his wall and blinking repeatedly, Jace finally looks up. "I mean, even though my acting skills are out of this world and the only reason your sorry panicking ass hasn't been busted yet, your fellow trainees are going to catch on soon if they're not as stupid as I think they are. All we do is duck in and out of your room for nighttime cuddles, which does not scream mature and established relationship to anyone but you, Wiggles."

True. This is very true. This is objectively, a good point. Yet Simon’s brain can’t seem to make a reasonable link between that and practising french kissing Jace in his room. Still, he tries to compose himself. “So your solution to that is making out in front of everyone ?” Simon wants to cringe at how breathless he sounds even though he's been sitting for the best part of an hour now. Jace rolls his eyes, but suddenly his voice has an edge that wasn't there a few seconds earlier. "Yes, congratulations, you can still understand English. Nevermind, we can play the private couple if it bothers you that much," he answers before going back to reading.

If he didn't know any better, the brunette would think that Jace's ego has just been bruised by Simon's hesitation. Except he know it's impossible since he probably couldn't care less about something as insignificant as Simon refusing to make out with him, what with the dozens of girls queueing to have that opportunity. And that's where the problem is, isn't it ? It wouldn't be all that insignificant to Simon. The poor dude would probably replay the kiss in his head for weeks, saying it's for science or something. He wants it, sure, both to shut up all of the guys at the Institute, and because he just wants it. But he’s not sure it’s an healthy idea. Not that unhealthy has ever been on the ‘cons’ list in his book. 

"It's not that it would bother me, I was just wondering where that came from," he adds as an afterthough, and wow, it’s more self-control than Simon ever thought himself capable of.

"Nowhere. Nevermind." The cold tone indicates that Jace is definitely offended. Altough for the life of him Simon can't figure out how that happened.

"Come on, Goldilocks, what's up ? You know I would totally make out with you anytime, I just thought it'd be all romantic and cheesy when it would finally happen." The tone is overly joking on purpose, supposedly light-hearted. But then something surprising happens, Jace's head whipping up and staring at Simon way too intensely for his own good. Maybe it's just shock, because it's true that two years ago Simon was a mess of stutters everytime he had to face Jace Herondale and now he’s being overly flirty. Maybe it’s suspicion. Maybe it’s something else entirely. 

Even though their relationship changed with the memory loss and two years spent away at the Academy, upon Ascening Simon had remembered everything and realized that there was some kind of history between the two of them. Considering said history, the way Jace's eyes are boring into his own right now is probably nothing but surprise at Simon finally being confident enough to banter. Except for some reason it doesn’t sound quite right. They've been doing that for a week now, joking about making out, and there's really no reason for the heavy look Jace is sending him. It's making him squirm and want to jump out of his own skin to go run a few laps along the Seine.

"Please talk because you're looking at me like you're about to dismember me and it's really starting to freak me out." 

Jace looks back down to his comic, and the moment is over. Looking at him, it’s almost like it never happened -- yet it leaves Simon panting and with a lump in his throat. He stares at his hands, and realizes something. Even though it's been fun to finally have someone to talk to, and it felt good to be able to unleash the burden of George’s death on someone who could take it, in that moment Simon can't help but feel like it's damn time Jace went back to New York. Because he's not stupid. He knows very well what the feeling that's been sitting in his gut for the last year is. 

During these two years where Jace was nothing but a stranger with whom he'd allegedly saved the world, Simon didn't know he needed to hide from himself the new-found longing when Jace was away or the relief when he saw him. He didn't know then that this desire to make Jace laugh or make him appreciate Simon was dangerous. He couldn't remember the first thing about who this guy was, so of course he couldn't remember that the attraction had been there before, simply hidden away and burried deeply because it wasn’t something he could ever contemplate. He couldn’t remember that he didn’t like the guy, because it was easier to dislike than to like too much. With his memories came back the knowledge of how to hide his feelings from himself, but it was too late.

With his memories came back the harsher days too, those were the dislike wasn’t pretend. Came back the fact that Jace Herondale was a complete asshole to him, still is to most people who aren't Clary or his family. And Simon is neither. 

It makes sense that Jace is the one Simon would think of when needing someone for a pretend relationship. Not because he wishes it was true, but because he knows it can't.

So of course, Jace visiting didn’t help the confusion that had appeared in Simon's mind when old memories of a despicable Jace had opposed themselves to the new memories of the blonde waiting for him in front of his dorm and actually taking his advice. 

Jace asking him to explain references he's heard from Isabelle, or genuinely trying to understand why Hawkeye is so hyped up in Simon's opinion may be the best things that have happened to Simon in a long time, but they're also the worst. Because this embarassing boy crush is turning into something more, but Jace is still supposedly an asshole, and now he wants to kiss him just for fun, and Simon still had zero chill.

"I'm not going to dismember you," Jace snorts a while later -- actually, Simon has no idea how long they've been silent. "This would be much too quick a death." That's already safer ground, so Simon sighs in relief. They don’t talk about anything else that night, falling asleep in unusual silence.

\---

When tomorrow comes, Jace's packing is silent. They barely look at eachother, Simon spending more time than necessary in the shower, either to avoid seeing Jace’s progressive departure or to avoid Jace altogether he doesn’t know. They head out in silence, skipping breakfast altogether. They need a warlock to make a portal to New York, so of course the whole Institute is aware of the exact time of Jace's departure and is there to wave him goodbye. His most charming smile tells them he'll be back with his siblings if they ever need him, hugging and shaking hands on the way. It does look to Simon like something with this smile he’scome to witness a lot is off, in the way it doesn't quite reach his eyes or his answers are shorter than usual, but he's probably just projecting.

Simon is the last one to say goodbye as he's standing closest to the Portal, and it does seem unecessarily dramatic when Jace starts walking towards him. The others are already starting to turn away and go back inside, so he knows it's all in his head but he can almost see the blonde walking in slow motion. Whatever is about to happen, he can feel he’s going to think about it too much in the next few days.

Jace stops in front of him, too close. The silence that settles between them is, curiously, not awkward at all. It's contemplative, at least on Simon's side. He's the first to break the eye contact, because he doesn't have any more chill than usual, and since he doesn't know what to do with his hands or himself, he starts rambling.

"It's been cool, this week. Not absolutely awesome, because you're still an ass and your hair products take up way too much space, but you know. If there ever are... Pyxis being stolen again. Around here. You can always, like come back. Say hi. I think you're probably right, Pablo definitely has a crush on you by know," he says even though the smile that follows feels forced. He's about to mention his gratefulness for Jace playing along with the stupid, stupid idea of pretendedly dating – but for some reason he doesn't want to bring it up. He doesn't want to remember them that any of it might have been entirely fake. So he just stops thinking about it.

Except he should known he's not good at 'not thinking'. He should know, from experience, that the actions that ensue are rarely ever intelligent. For some reason, of course, he ignores the thousand alarm bells ringing in his ears. He's stopped talking now, but Jace is still looking right at him, and he's still standing way too close – and suddenly Simon is kissing him. On the mouth.

The second he realizes what he's actually doing, he pulls back, panicking, the confused and freaked out apology already on the tip of his tongue. But a hand his already settled on his neck. A warm, strong hand holding the back of his neck, pulling him back in, and Jace is kissing him back. It's the middle of the morning and they're in Paris and a magical portal is vibrating next to them, but for some reason Jace Herondale is kissing him.

And he's fucking good at it, with that.

They kiss through the warlock's annoyed sigh, the huffs of the trainees and the whistle of a mundane passing by (hopefully Jace isn't wearing a glamour and Simon doesn't look like he's making out with thin air). They kiss, and Simon tries to stop overthinking but it's hard. He closes his eyes, anf Jace's other hand on his hip helps his brin disconnect. His thoughts start derailling at some point, but he's pretty sure Jace is biting his lower lip which really doesn't help with Simon's wandering hands. All he can feel is muscles shifting under leather and warm skin, and this hair, and Jace's breath against his own, his tongue shyly and softly asking for permission into Simon's mouth, which he gives without a second thought.

He doesn't know how long it lasts, but by the time Jace pulls off Simon is dizzy and pretty sure he's actually lying unconscious somewhere in a dark alley. Jace does look a little dishevelled, his lips shinning pink and his hair a beautiful mess, which tears a smug smile from Simon's mouth. He did that. He's about to say something, even though he still doesn't know what and it's probably going to be embarrassing, but Jace beats him to it.

"Don't hook up with too many French boys while I'm gone, alright Wiggles ?" Before Simon has the time to enthusiastically nod, Jace is stepping into the Portal and landing on the other side of the ocean, leaving the brunette with much too big a smile, thinking about the not-really-promise that someone is waiting for him on the other side.


End file.
